


One bored day

by Tezca



Series: The crazy life of Lionel and the Aztec gods he lives with [2]
Category: Aztec Religion, Fur (2006)
Genre: Gen, Humor, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-29
Updated: 2013-11-29
Packaged: 2018-01-02 22:26:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1062374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tezca/pseuds/Tezca
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tlaloc gets drunk</p>
            </blockquote>





	One bored day

It was one of those lazy afternoons, nice comfortable warm air filling the house and it was sunny outside. Well it always is, or at the most sometimes partly cloudy, in this realm of the gods, in fact Lionel has to remind himself sometimes that weather can be fucked up back on Earth and he has it good up here.

Today his husband was off somewhere in the human world spending the day exploring a random city. He would usually go along with Quetzalcoatl as he liked doing the same thing as well, but this time he didn’t go because the town happened to be a small town in Massachusetts, and he didn’t want to be in the same town as his, now way older, brother was living.

“He didn’t take it too kindly when he realized I had hypertrichosis.” Lionel explained earlier that morning, “But don’t let me stop you.”

Now he found himself laying down on the grass outside just taking in the peaceful day when soon Tlaloc blocked his view of the sky, looking at him, “Hey Lionel you want to join me and Xipe in going to the Mojave desert?”

Lionel looked at him and sat up. Xipe was standing behind Tlaloc holding a box with several bottles of pulque. “What are you guys planning on doing?” 

“Oh well we’re pretty much bored, so we thought it would be fun to go there, get drunk and make it rain fire.” Tlaloc answered. Lionel stood up and agreed to go. He really didn’t have anything to do, in fact most of them didn’t really ever since the empire fell.

Some of them have even already moved down to Earth to experience the mortal world. “I doubt either one of us has much to do today anyways.”

“Yeah...there’s nothing to do when the people you’re god of something for isn’t around as a empire anymore.” Xipe replied while they walked to the portal linking their place to the mortal realm. “If you had came around during the time of the Aztecs, you probably would’ve been going around as Quetzal’s high priest.”

“That makes sense.” Lionel nodded. He can see himself doing just that. Soon they made it to the little room dubbed “the portal room.” Tlaloc stopped to take a look at Xipe and the flayed skin he still sometimes wears. 

“You know you can’t wear wear that Xipe.”

“Why? I mean granted we’re not worshipped anymore and times changed, but I’m sure people would still get the same message as before….” Xipe has started to protest but Lionel and Tlaloc cut him off. 

“You going around wearing what our people would’ve thought of as death and rebirth has a different connotation now to someone if we were to be seen.”

“With due respect Lord Xipe, they would think you were a deranged lunatic murderous psychopath who should be lock up in a mental asylum far from society.”

Hearing all of that has caused Xipe’s face to blush red all over, he didn’t want to be thought of as a crazy guy. He was a nice god, sure he can be loud and intimidating when he is angry, but for the most part he was less temperamental than say Huitzil or Tezca is.

Lionel then went to the little closet nearby and grabbed a golden outfit he once made for him as an alternative to wear down on Earth.

Once that was taken care off, the three made it down the latter and ended up in the middle of nowhere in the Mojave desert. Nothing as far as the eye could see and it was a warm but cloudy day.

“This is perfect! Perfect day to make rain and get drunk.” Tlaloc exclaimed looking around the area. “Alright hand me a bottle.”

Xipe handed him one before whispering to Lionel, “The real fun starts when he’s really drunk.” He said, laughing while the two watch the rain god chug it down.

Lionel smiled and laughed under his breath as he can remember the other few times he’d seen him drunk. In fact they both thought it would be more fun to watch Tlaloc get wasted, opting to drink one bottle respectively and see how much the other god would drink.

“Hey how many pulque did you bring?” Tlaloc asked, grabbing another one after finishing the first one.

“About 12 bottles.” 

“Great.” Tlaloc then proceeded to drink about 3 more bottles while the other two men just watched and laughed as Tlaloc was becoming more noticeably drunk. 

The two kept chuckling as Tlaloc started stumbling around a bit before looking at them, “Hey what are you….laughing at mortals…*hic*....you sh..should stop laughing at once!”

Tlaloc’s slurred speech was making it hard for Xipe and Lionel to keep a straight face, “Do you know who I am puny mortals?”

Xipe burst out laughing while Lionel had to regain enough of his posture to reply, “Yes Lord Tlaloc…” Lionel was able to say that much before Tlaloc continued after taking another swig.

“For I am…*hic*...the ma...magi..magnificent Tlaloc! The powerful rain god of the...of the…” Tlaloc then paused to think as Xipe and Lionel kept being amused by the spectacle. This was really amusing. 

“Stop laughing minions…” Tlaloc slurred out as Xipe couldn’t help but have fun with this. “So what you’re telling us so far is you’re a powerful rain god?”

“Yes! But I have seem to forotten what people I am god of...oh wait, I remember I’m the rain god of...*hic^..the Ass...Asteca...no...Atlanta thats it...”

The two just stared at him, him forgetting things and getting them wrong was a usual and normal sign to tell when Tlaloc is successfully wasted. The two look at each other and grinned, they can have all sorts of fun with this. 

Lionel burst out in laughter and Xipe had to hold onto Lionel’s shoulder to keep him upright, “Why are you minions laughing at me…”

“Atlanta?...” Xipe said in confusion admiss the laughter he was letting out.

“Yes Atlanta and you two are my minions....don’t dare question me or I’ll piss fire on you both….” Tlaloc stumbled a bit as he took a finishing chug of the pulque and throwing it over his shoulder. “You two shall..*hic*...do everything I say…”

“Alright, what is your first decree o rain god of Atlanta?” Lionel said snickering.

“My first decree is...is give me all your drinks…”

“Gladly.” Xipe said smiling as he gestured to the box and Tlaloc pretty much stumbled to the ground trying to get another bottle. Lionel then held out his hand to help the drunken rain god up and Tlaloc ended up having to hold on to him to balance himself while he chugged down more alcohol. 

“*burps* Thanks Lion..*hics*...Leo and....” Tlaloc said as he paused to try and remember Xipe’s name, which in his drunken state of mind just can’t recall it. “...and….I don’t know your name minion..”

“Why it’s...Robert Downey Jr oh Lord Tlaloc.” Xipe said with a straight face, fighting the urge to laugh. Lionel, however, burst out in giggles and had to cover his mouth to muffle the sound.

“Great…now then *hic*..prepare to be amazed by my awesome power!” Tlaloc announced as he let go of Lionel and stumbled sideways a bit while going to a spot a few feet away from them. 

Lionel and Xipe would already giggling among themselves as they watched Tlaloc stumbled out, but when he thrusted his arms to the sky and started impromptu drunken rendition of I Set Fire to the Rain by Adele, the two ended up laughing so loud they were bent over clutching their sides.

“I set fiiiiiiiirrrrrrrreeeee to the…*hic* raaaaaiiiinn….” Tlaloc bellowed out singing as Lionel and Xipe were on the ground rolling in laughter. Poor Tlaloc was so drunk he didn’t realize he was just simply pointing his hands to the sky and not actually willing the rain to come. 

“Everytime I...hey there’s no rain coming…...my *hic* powers must be weak…minions!” Tlaloc slurred out before burping. “Give me of that..that..shit we need to um…”

“You mean alcohol?” Xipe said as he handed him another bottle. Just then Lionel turned to face Xipe.

“You sure this is a good idea? Giving him another bottle…” He asked a bit concern seeing how shit can go wrong if a god with powers gets really drunk. It also depends on what kind of drunk they would be too, like Huitzil was more of an angry drunk while Quetzal was prone to acting like a giggling gossipy romantic.

Tlaloc just tended to be a forgetful and gullible to believe anything drunk who call everyone his minions, Xipe nodded and gave him a reassuring look, “As long as its reasonable and doesn’t harm anything, shouldn’t be a problem right?”

“I suppose so, what do you have in mind Lord Xipe?”

Tlaloc was too busy drinking to pay attention to the conversation that just happened and looked in their direction when Xipe spoke up after thinking for a second, “Why don’t you see if you can make it rain now?”

“Great idea…*hic* I forget your name...what was it again..forget it I’ll call you minion…*hic*...I just call you both minions from...now on..” Tlaloc said, sounding more hammered as he tried again to get the rain to come. 

“Its..*hic*..not working...the..wet stuff isn’t coming.” Tlaloc slurred out as he looked up at the sky for a minute before looking at his so called minions. “My powers…aren’t *hic* working….I thought I was *hic* the rain god of Arizona…”

It was still amusing to hear Tlaloc get the name of his people he was god of wrong. Xipe couldn’t help but add another little quip, “A lazy one, but yes.” Lionel chuckled more after hearing Xipe.

“And its actually Alabama you’re a god of.” Lionel added.

“So *hic*...I’m Tla..la..loki, the rain…*hic* rain god of Alabama?” Tlaloc muttered out before taking another drink of alcohol. The fact he got his own name wrong a bit had caused Xipe and Lionel to burst out laughing a bit before nodding yes.

“Great! Then I must…*hic* must make it known to the *hic* my minions of *hic* Alawhatevertitlan..…” Tlaloc announced before looking around to find a good high enough place. The then spotted a high enough formation and started running towards it with the other two following.

They both knew they wouldn’t egg him on to drink more if Tlaloc was prone to doing dangerous shit and bringing chaos to the world. They were just lucky he wasn’t pissed for any reason, otherwise they probably wouldn’t risk it. 

They just had to make sure he doesn’t fall off the edge at the top of the rock and and Lionel and the others were used to spotting Tlaloc whenever he was drunk. The three managed to get up on the top.

“Shit I wish I had a video camera…” Xipe commented, laughing as he and Lionel watched Tlaloc. “This would easily get a million views on youtube.”  
“It would.” Lionel agreed. Tlaloc was currently shouting out his slurred words to an imaginary, brought on by his drunken state, city full of people about being his minions. 

Just then as he was making his godhood known to the imaginary people, he thrusted his fists up and finally made it rain. “Hey...I *hic* finally made it rain!....Minions I made it..*hic* rain fire.”

Lionel and Xipe decided not to tell him that it was just regular rain falling on them as they didn’t want to get burn up or have a fire start somewhere. He did though managed to make it pouring down rain hard.

Tlaloc then put his arms up in a victory post and yelled out as loud as he could, ‘I have finally..*hic*...finally set fire to the rain! I..Lalonde have finally set fiirrrreeee to the rain...everytime I *hic* touch your face…”

Xipe and Lionel resumed giggling for a second before Xipe opened the portal to go home, “Come on lets go home before we get sick.”

“Good idea Lord Xipe.” Lionel said as he walked over to grab Tlaloc and soon they made it back to the realm of the Aztec pantheon. They walked Tlaloc to his room where he promptly passed out and the other two decided to go to the rec room they set up a long time ago to watch a movie.


End file.
